rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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