he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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