I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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