Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i out mim tonsoeep
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