You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
