Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
