You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
