Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
