please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
