drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
