I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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