I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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