wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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