Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
