Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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