Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
