I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
