dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
