peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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