Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
