What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
