your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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