Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize