If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
