he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
