I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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