I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
