There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
