Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
