i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
