PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
