she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize