I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
