I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
