I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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