Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
