he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
