i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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