Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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