i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
