omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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