I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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