Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
