Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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