While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
