Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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