i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
