sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
