I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
