dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i came on her dog
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
