I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
