think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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