dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
