I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
