you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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