I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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