super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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