I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize