I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
