i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize