He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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