I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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