As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
don't judge my taste in strippers
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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