bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize