is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
