her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
