searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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