The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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