Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
