dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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